New Beginnings!

So, I have been communicating with my Bishop and everything I want to do will be done in June, or before that time! I am so incredibly excited. I have the ability to live all of my dreams and fulfill them and it makes me so happy.

My dear friend Paul wrote on his blog, http://paulsifer.blogspot.com/, that he wrote about thinking about the three things in your life daily that make your day better. I instantly thought of my wife, my family and my friends. I know without these people I would feel alone and depressed. I also know that in the case where I lost one of these people I would be devastated. I would feel that my life would be over and I would need to have the other groups around me to keep me going. I know that I would overcome this, but would want to not move on, as Thanatology tells us, it isn't about moving on, it is about learning to continue living without that person.

I know this is a small update, I will make a longer post in a day or so.

God loves everyone.. Even me!

So, if you didn't know I started going back to Church. LDS church that is. I decided to do this after a long night of no sleep and just deep thought. I started to think, "Wow, I am going to be a father. How hard will it be for Mel if she goes to church alone? What will my daughter think? What do I think on the subject? Can I move past my rebel phase and move into a more intelligent part of my life or am I going to be stuck bashing my head against a wall? Have I turned my back on God? Has he turned his back on me?" All of these questions ran through my mind making me want to just give up thinking about it. As the minutes turned into hours, I started to think about all the people in my life that I enjoyed spending time around, for the most part they were either LDS or lived a fairly LDS lifestyle. My mom, my step-dad, my sister, my wife, a few friends (specifically Paul, AJ, Rachel, Sarah, Josh, Amber, Sam and Kris) and most of the random acquaintances that I have. All of them either live very close an LDS lifestyle. But all of them have their own way of living it. I will not go into specifics, but for instance I have a hard time with my language and my drive to pray every day and read my scriptures. Does this mean that God loves me less or not at all because of this? Not at all. I have finally realized that God is my parent. And as my mother has always said "Parents are not your friends. We will not leave you if you do something stupid. We wont be happy with you but we will never stop loving you." This is the same for God. No matter what we do he will always love us. Even when you use drugs or drink alcohol, he may not be happy with you, but he loves you. So, I am passing this little bit of info that I found onto you guys!

With love and caring always,

Your Humble Narrator

Coffee and Poptarts.. Nom nom!

So, I wake this morning with my wife and know we need to get up and get going. I stretch just a bit to take the grogginess off of my muscles. I turn to my wife and say honey hand me my phone, sure enough, it is 5 AM and I am awake. FML. I turn to my wife and I asked, "Did you ever imagine that you would be here 10 months ago?" She responded with no. I asked what about 8 months ago, again the response was no. I ask what about 6 months ago, she said yes. She said that 10 months ago, when we first met, she didn't want anything to do with me. She then said that 8 months ago, when we first started dating that we may not last very long. But 6 months ago, when we got married, she knew she would wake up every morning to me and she loved it.

Now I realize that we haven't been married long, but I started telling my wife that I find it so interesting how things change in a few months. Not even years, just months. Over the course of 4 months, my wife went from someone she hated and couldn't care more about to someone she is deeply madly in love with and couldn't live without. Now, some might say that is a bit clingy, I like it. I love knowing that my wife is deeply in love with me. I wouldn't want it any other way.

So, yeah, just a little thing from this morning before my coffee and pop tarts.

New Leaf Being Turned Over!

So, a new and wonderful thing has come into my life. I got married, June 1st, and I have a baby on the way. A little baby girl, named Mahayla Anne. My wife, Melody, and I are so excited. School is almost done for this semester, next semester looks to be bringing more fun and interesting things. Excitement for school and my new baby are mixed with a fear of fatherhood. We shall see how things end up, but who knows, I probably will be a great father, or maybe I will be a dead beat. Looks as though I will be updating this blog more and more with more info here and there. Stay tuned Kiddos.

New discoveries..

Well, for those of you that do not know, but read my blog, I am currently taken and in love. I quit smoking shit 28 days ago. I have only smoked cigs and drank booze. Better than killing myself in a few hours or days with that spice shit. I love my woman as well. She is the best drug ever. Her kiss reminds me of a warmness only ever felt in times of true happiness. I know not where things will go, but seems pretty legit.

Addiction/Other

I have been dealing with addiction really bad recently. I wont describe what I was addicted to but lets just say it is tough to deal with. I am doing my very best in order to stop the actions I have been making that have been the things keeping me addicted. But, I am trying my best to stop them all together so that I can have a "normal" life. I feel that I have let down everyone around me and it is difficult to feel that way. What I am doing is moving forward with it though. I know that I have hurt them, but I have only hurt myself more. I am going to keep hitting the school books hard and graduate in my field of choice.

Beyond my addiction, I have been talking with a dear friend of mine. I feel that I will have a chance to be her man, at some point. But only when she is ready. So, we have been talking and keeping the perspective of "who knows what could come from our friendship." I hope that things continue to go how they have been going and getting better. I do still love her and would be so happy to see her happy and equal with me in a relationship. I would love to be her man, but we will have to see how things transpire.

Honestly...

I know I am not the best looking, the best at sports or any of that shit. But I am loving, compassionate, funny, fun, random and intelligent. I had this revealed to me just the other day. It is fairly depressing, but it is fairly true. I will never be able to date the super model because I do no meet her standards and I wouldn't date someone who has less than I do. So, it appears that I am doomed. But, I will trudge forward through the fields of battle with whatever weapon I choose to wield and continue on my way.

HordeStarscream out.